a pause.

Lifes moments have been really stacking up lately. I have began to take some much needed time to really notice moments like I haven't in quite some time. the much needed gigantic hugs I get from a blond haired three year old who emphatically tells me she wants me to be her mama. The ten little kids that are infatuated with me as there new extension to there family. a person to push there swings, pull there wagon, to play games in the dark, to snuggle with and anything there little brains come up with that they hope I will consent to.

the three new books I bought at half priced books that are constantly begging for my attention over a dinging phone. I will have to admit that the books are honestly 110% way more interesting than what my phone has to offer.

the strange way Amos 3:3 has me still brooding.

the deep strength I've found in my commune with God that wasn't all there before. the quiet in my mind is something I'm not even able to grapple with. the lack of meds in my life has truly been a blessing from God.

the sunsets that bring tears to my eyes. the long walks down the dirt road in bare feet with a young friend and sharing our hearts. and the song walking each other home truly feels genuine and so compatible as the dust rises around our feet as we walk home in the glow of the sunset.

the new job interview went well and the uniform is made and ready to go. a bit nervous but a lot excited.

a whole afternoon at the pool with two of the gfs for the first time in five years probably. a nice burn and tan later, a raging hunger and a stuffed full heart to show for it.

sitting in the grass at 8:30 on a Saturday evening just talking to God.

the death of the lady I've been being caretaker for for the last couple months has finally moved on to the next life. my heart grieves as I think of the last funeral I attended and how raw and final death is.

the terrible fight with my heart sister that allowed us to see the real heart of each other underneath that had been slowly becoming completely unreachable in each others chaos. the power of backing up and of sitting thru each other pain. the intensity of tear filled eyes. the catch in the voice that could tear my heart out. the saying the things instead of burying them. the grace to say sorry. the sincere quiet I love yous and closing the chat with a calmer spirit.

HteaO with my sister and her hubbie.

random calls from wonderful people. (I'm a person that thrives on random. never can get enough of it)

hours of mowing at my new home base. the new territory is something else. the holes, the obstacles, the grass lengths, the smooth, the rough, the unpleasant surprises; who could tell you that every every adventure has indeed its own adventure?

learning more fully the blue print to this walk with God.

saying aloud that “life is way to short for me to have enemies” and facing that reality within myself and taking time to chew that thought thoroughly.

hours at the library almost simply to enjoy the vibe.

tears are a release of inner pain. eyes are a mirror of a persons soul. words are a whisper of the inner voice. learning to be more in tune with myself has showed me things I want to get rid of and things I want to fertilize.

the stability. the love- no matter what. the being simply heard. the quiet strength. the laughter. the peace. the unity. every part of me has found something here that wants to call it home. I feel here. I see here. I can be here. I can laugh here. I can cry here. I can share here. I can sleep here. I can eat here. I can just be. do you know how impossibly long - if ever - that I have just been able to just be? makes me feel dumb but I'm here now so I will not look back to far.

massages in the pool.

redbull with friends.

meaningful youth deals.

late nights and early mornings.

free hair and dancing eyes. bare feet and a quiet song inside.

the embarrassment was real when I got asked if I was a country singer at a ritzy nursing home us youth sing at. and then on the heels of that question was if I was married to Levi. that night was pretty intense to say the least.

these eyes are feeling a mite gritty so I will sign out for tonight. I hope each of you find a peace in that chest of yours and a quiet in your soul. love to all on this journey as one.